Sunday, July 13, 2014

Oopsies: Rick-Perry-is-Stupid Jokes

Rick Perry
Rick Perry and his "Oopsies." 

Governor Rick Perry (R, TX) was the butt of a few of Maher’s jokes on Real Time with Bill Maher, episode #324 which aired on 7/11/14.


Maher quipped that Obama did not need to go to the border “to see a five-year old who can barely speak English. I’m with Rick Perry right now.”
Maher also said that all the media coverage of Obama shaking hands with a man wearing a horse-head mask shouldn’t have been a big deal because he later shook hands with “a horse’s ass” (Rick Perry).

December 2016: This next bit is not a joke. This is really happening. Donald Trump has chosen Rick Perry for Secretary of Energy.l


Rick Perry Sec'y of Energy
Rick Perry is not qualified to be Secretary of Energy.

Why did Trump chose him? I think he wants to silence his critics by giving them jobs in his administration.

Rick Perry is so often unintentionally funny because he says really stupid things. Sometimes it I hard to tell what is a joke and what is an actual quote.

Now back to jokes.

Ever since the 2011 Republican presidential debate when Perry said, “It’s three agencies of government when I get there that are gone – Commerce, Education and the um, what’s the third one there? Let’s see. Oh five – Commerce, Education and the um, um.” After a bit more blathering he concluded, "I can’t the third one. I can’t. Sorry, Oops.”

So whenever Rick Perry says something stupid, I call it an Oopsie. Also when comedians joke about the stupid things Rick Perry says, I call that an “oopsie also. 
Enjoy these “oopsies” and add some of your own in the comments section. 
“Obama has an ulterior motive regarding the children,” said Perry. “It smells of a conspiracy, just like science." –The Newsosphere 
"Rick Perry compares homosexuality to alcoholism like a guy who's tried really hard to quit....something." –John Fugelsang  
"Rick Perry, got his degree in animal husbandry, had his own father-in-law perform his own vasectomy, and in the 80s his nickname was 'Crotch.' As a late night comedian, Texas, I’m begging you, please make this guy run for President." –Conan O’Brien
"Rick Perry is wearing glasses now. He thinks they make him look smarter, more serious, and ...what was that third thing? --Stephan Colbert 
"Rick Perry has a new book, "Bush for Dummies. Guvamint Allwaze Rong." --Bill Maher on the 1/17/15 show 
Read "Zombie Lies," the full review for Real Time with Bill Maher #324


2015 campaign Oopsies
There will be a lot more oopsies. On June 4, 2015, Rick Perry announced that he is running for president again. His announcement speech contained this oopsie.
"There is nothing wrong with America today that a change in leadership won't make happen."  --Rick Perry
Jon Stewart (also on June 4, quoted Rick Perry saying that America must risk the consequences of electing him. He suggested the following bumper sticker.
"Rick Perry: Risk the Consequences."  Jon added, "That's the same slogan you use to advocate unprotected sex." --Jon Stewart
On Tuesday September 3, 2015 Perry, because he is at 1% in the polls, was asked on Fox News, "Are you getting out of the race?'' Maybe he is back on the pain meds or maybe he is so perturbed by having fallen so low without a single paid staffer left, he gave this answer.
"A broken clock is right once a day. I'm still here." --Rick Perry
Err--That is twice a day, Perry.  And what does that mean about your campaign? You are only still here by happenstance? Weird! How many strikes until  you are out, Perry? Can you get that one right?

On Wednesday September 9, 2015, Stephen Colbert did a bit on his show about The Donald Trump hat and what the hat would have written on it if other candidates decided to use a similar hat. Colbert showed us Rick Perry's hat with the word "oops" written across it.

On Friday November 11, 2015 Rick Perry officially dropped out of the race for the Republican nomination for president, the first of the 17 announced candidates to do so. RIP, Rick.

2016-17 Update

Send me you Rick Perry jokes. Put them in the comments or use facebook private message. 



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Bill Maher’s Guests: #324 July 11, 2014
Jason Box: climatologist, glaciologist
 
Rep. Donna Edwards: Congresswoman (D, MD)
 
Ron Suskind: Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, author--His most recent book is Life, Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heroes, and Autism

Reihan Salamconservative political commentator, columnist for Slate and National Review, author of Grand New Party: How Republicans Can Win the Working Class and Save the American Dream

Sandra Tsing Loh: writer, actress, and radio personality—Her books include The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones and  Mother on Fire: A True Motherf%#$@ Story About Parenting!