Bill Maher #322 Wish-Fulfillment Magazine Fantasies

Is butter the new health food?

by Catherine Giordano

 

On episode 322 (June 20, 2014) of “Real Time with Bill Maher,” Maher talked about a news story about Dr. Oz touting green coffee extract as a “miracle” and “magic” weight loss aid. (When a doctor uses words like “miracle” and “magic” you know he has sold out.)  Maher then held up a Time magazine showing the cover story about weight-loss titled, “Eat More Butter” as an example of another sell-out. 

Maher claimed this was all about telling people what they want to hear, and he had a few magazine cover story ideas of his own.  

 

Maxim:                    You Have a Chance with These Women (the supermodels on the cover)

Boys Life:                If All the Scouts are Doing It, It is Not Really Gay

Rolling Stone:          You’re Right: The Music Today Sucks   

Sports Illustrated:     Video Gamers: The Real Athletes

AARP:                      That Smell Isn’t Really Coming from You

Cosmopolitan:          How to Drive Your Man Wild with Oral Sex Once a Year

Hustler:                    Masturbation Prevents Cancer    

Modern Parenting:   How to Raise a Genius by Sticking Your Toddler in Front of the TV All Day

 

Read the full review and recap of episode #322 at Premium Cable Reviews.

 

I decided to do a few wish-fulfillment cover stories of my own.

 

AARP:                       70 is the new 40

Vogue:                      Old Clothes are Vintage Treasures

Money;                      Bottle Cap Collections Worth Millions

Prevention:               New Medical Research Shows Sugar Prevents Cancer

Mother Jones:          Occupy: Potent Political Force

Cosmopolitan:          Flat-Chested Women Have Better Orgasms

 

And finally,

 

The Journal of Lost Causes: Stop Me Before I Blog Again

 

While doing research for this post, I decided to subscribe to Mother Jones as a public service. They have a lot of great stories. They are also non-profit and depend on subscriptions and donations.

Do you have any ideas for magazine cover stories that would be wish-fulfillment fantasies for their readers? Share them in the “Comments” of this blog. 

                                   

Bill Maher’s Guests,  #322, June 6, 2014

 

Paul Reickhoff: Writer, veteran of the United States Army and the Iraq War, founder and Executive Director of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, and author of Chasing Ghosts: Failures and Facades in Iraq: A Soldier’s Perspective 

Ta-Nehisi Coates: National correspondent at The Atlantic, which recently published his much talked about article in The Atlantic magazine, “The Case for Reparations.”

He is also the author of the memoir. The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood. 

Glenn Greenwald: American lawyer, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, author I of several books. His most recent book is No Place to Hide: Edward Snowden, the NSA, and the U.S. Surveillance State 

Kristen Soltis Anderson: Republican pollster for Echelon Insights, columnist for The Daily Beast.

Bill Maher #321 Maternity T-Shirts

The offending T-shirt

by Catherine Giordano 

On HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher”, episode #321, which aired on June 13, 2014, Bill did his  mid-show comedy segment about the Pea In A Pod maternity T-Shirt  It seems a T-shirt that said “Wake me when I am skinny again,” set off a controversy about expectations about women’s bodies. They called it “fat-shaming”.  Pea in a pod had to remove it from sale.

I don’t get it.  I think a lot of pregnant women feel this way. Is there anything that is safe from the pc police these days? 

Maher thought it was much ado about nothing also, so he cam up with some really offensive maternity T-Shirts. Read on at your own risk.

 

·         Does this whole other human make me look fat? 

·         I’m with Stupid ä 

·         “It looked like fun on Juno. 

·         Nice try, Trojans. 

·         If the birth is like the conception, I won’t remember it. 

·         Suddenly anal doesn’t seem so bad.

·         This sucks _D because I didn’t it. 

·         Joseph?  It’s Mary. You are not going to believe this.

 

Maher capped off the bit with a swipe at Eric Cantor who lost his congressional primary.  He held up a T-shirt for Eric Cantors kids. It said “World’s Second Best Dad.”

 

CLICK HERE
to see this and other tees

Maybe you would like a more tasteful T-shirt with cute little baby footprints. or the one with the baby playing peek-a-boo. Get them quick, before they too are deemed politically incorrect.

 

CLICK HERE to see the review and recap of the entire show.

 

CLICK HERE to see the T-Shirt video.

CLICK HERE

 

Guests for “Real Time” #321, 6/13/14

 

Gina McCarthy:  U.S. Environmental Protection Agency administrator 

Richard A. Clarke:  former National Coordinator for Security, Infrastructure Protection, and Counter-terrorism and author of several books, both fiction and non-fiction.  His newest novel is Sting of the Drone  

Krystal Ball:  co-host on MSNBC's The Cycle  

Tom Rogan: a contributor to National Review Online, The Daily Telegraph, and a conservative blogger at TomRoganThinks  

 

Carol Leifer: a stand-up comedian, writer and producer for several TV shows, and author. Her latest book is How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying

Bill Maher #321 Brownie High

by Catherine Giordano

Maureen Dowd went to Colorado, got some marijuana edibles, and then did everything wrong. Afterwards, she blasts the details of her bad trip in The New York Times. (Read the column here.)  This prompted Bill Maher to  do a bit called "Brownie Points" on episode #321 of Real Time with Bill Maher, which aired on Friday June 12. 2014.

 

I had planned to repeat them here as a public service, but I noticed that his remarks were all over the internet, so instead I will just link you to the best recounting of his bit. It is not only good advice about how when and where to indulge in pot, but it is funny. (And you don't even have to be high to laugh your head off.)



CLICK HERE
for brownies that give  a sugar high
without  a cannabis high--
no marijuana and only 100 calories

 CLICK HERE to read the full review of episode 321

 CLICK HERE  for video of "Brownie Points" 

In November 2014, Florida will vote on a referendum to legalize medical marijuana. Opponents talk as if marijuana wasn't already being used all over the state, just illegally, enriching drug dealers. In 2012, as part of my News Print Poetry Project, I found a news story about seniors using pot and did a poem about it, Seniors Going to Pot.

I will be voting "yes." not because I want to get high (not that there is anything wrong with that), but because if I ever need to use marijuana as part of my medical treatment, I want my doctor to be able to prescribe it.

Guests  on "Real Time" for #321 on 6/13/14

Gina McCarthy:  U.S. Environmental Protection Agency administrator

 

Richard A. Clarke:  former National Coordinator for Security, Infrastructure Protection, and Counter-terrorism and author of several books, both fiction and non-fiction.  His newest novel is Sting of the Drone

 

Krystal Ball:  co-host on MSNBC's The Cycle

 

Tom Rogan:  a contributor to National Review Online, The Daily Telegraph, blogger at TomRoganThinks

 

Carol Leifer: a stand-up comedian, writer and producer for several TV shows, and author. Her latest book is How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying 

 

Bill Maher #320 The Bell Boy of Howard Johnson

by Catherine Giordano

John Waters

John Waters referred to himself as ‘the bellboy of Howard Johnson on The Colbert Report (6/10/14) because of the bright red jacket he is fond of wearing.  Since he was also a recent guest on Real time with Bill Maher, here’s a mash-up recap of his comments on both shows. 

 

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Waters is a film director, screenwriter, actor, stand-up comedian, journalist, visual artist, art collector, and author. He’s been making the rounds of talk shows to promote his new book  Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America. It is an account of the people he met and the things he did on his recent hitchhiking trip across America—21 rides and nine days accomplished the feat. 

Waters said, “This is how I make my living, Every morning I think of something weird and do it in the afternoon. That’s my job.” Waters doesn’t believe in getting too comfortable.  “It hurts your street cred.”   

The people who gave Waters rides came from all walks of life—a minister’s wife, a truck driver, a cop, a coal miner, a rock band . Waters said that everyone was very open-minded and open to helping people.  

And because Waters is Waters, there were a lot of sexual references. On Maher’s show he said, “Hitchhiking is like phone sex. The more you talk, the further he’ll take you.“ On Colbert’s show he said, “You don’t need to go on a dating site. Just go hitchhiking.  (Is he hinting there are accounts of hook-ups in this book?) 

Colbert asked him what was his fantasy before starting the trip about the best thing that might happen on the trip. Waters replied having sex in a demolition derby in the car in the race. Colbert replied that this “was the very definition of unsafe sex.”

When Colbert asked him his fantasy of the worst thing that could happen, he said it was getting a ride from a junkie who would say to him “You can come out, but I can’t be strung out.’ He informed us that there are some people who are only attracted to junkies. They are called “scag hags.” 

I never heard that before. I bet I can learn all kinds of new things by reading Waters book. I’m putting this book on my “To Read” list. Maybe he could have subtitled the book, “John Waters’ Most Excellent Adventure.”

Read the complete review of the Real Time with Bill Maher episode that features John Waters at Premium Cable Reviews.

 

Bill Maher’s Guests: June 6, 2014

John Waters: film director, screenwriter, actor, stand-up comedian, journalist, visual artist, art collector, and author of a (sort of) memoir, Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America

Ralph Reed: conservative political activist, first executive director of Christian Coalition, now head of Faith and Freedom Coalition, author of several political books. His latest book is Awakening: How America Can Turn from Economic and Moral Destruction Back to Greatness. He has also written a novel, Ballots and Blood: A Novel

 

Jim Geraghty: conservative blogger and regular contributor to the National Review, author of the (roman a clef) novel, The Weed Agency: A Comic Tale of Federal Bureaucracy Without Limits 

Nicolle Wallace: political commentator, former communications chief for George W. Bush, former senior advisor for the McCain-Palin campaign and author of several (White House themed) novels, most recently, It’s Classified: A Novel 

Anthony Weiner: former congressman (D, NY), forced to resign from Congress over a sexting scandal, former New York City mayoral candidate, forced to resign from the race over a sexting scandal  (Some people never learn.) He’s now a columnist for Business Insider.

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Bill Maher #320 Bergdahl Boogaloo

This picture is from 
https://www.etsy.com/market/boys_rock

by Catherine Giordano

I titled this post Bergdahl Boogaloo because all the hulabaloo about Bowe Bergdahl reminds me of this dance from the 1960’s. The dance music was fast and the movements consisted of a lot of swivels, flailings, and jumping about, at least the way I danced it. And here we have everyone on the right swiveling 180 (they wanted Bergdahl brought home until Obama actually did it), flailing in mock fury, and jumping from lie to even more outrageous lie. Bill Maher on Real Time with Bill Maher, episode 320 which aired on 6/6/14, devoted his entire monolog to satirizing and ridiculing these base, yet baseless, attacks.

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Maher began “Obama surrendered to the Taliban, but Fox News said we don’t want t weigh in until all the facts are distorted.” 

“People like George Bush send people to war, but we [Republicans] don’t bring them home. We only rescue insurance companies and banks.” 

Maher never misss an opportunity to get Sarah Palin.  Here’s a triple header. “Bergdahl may have been a deserter—no, that was the governor of Alaska. Sarah Palin has been all over this story. They say Bergdahl has trouble speaking English. Well he has had five years of no one to speak English to. What’s your excuse? Five years in captivity can make people do strange things—like when McCain picked you.” 

(Allow me to interject, the insults don’t even make sense.  Worse than Hitler? Stalin? Pol Pot? Atilla the Hun? Try to at least make sense.)

“Lindsey Graham says that Obama released the Taliban Dream Team, the biggest murderers in history.  What will they do when they get out? Hack into My Space? Their shoe bombs are Crocs. They’re Taliban not the X-men.” Then Maher brought the point home by giving them each a ridiculous super-hero name and a ridiculous super-hero power.

“When they were in Guantanamo Bay, we couldn’t kill them with drones.  We didn’t so much free them as give them a running start.” 

“Bergdahl’s life was in immediate danger, and that was just because the Taliban was driving a GM truck.” 

So everybody off the dance floor. It’s intermission time. 

I heard Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel say, “No charges have been filed against him and none are pending.”  I have heard others say he never should have been accepted into the military because of his psychiatric history, but the military was so desperate for soldiers that one out of every six recruits was given a waiver. They didn’t meet the standards set by the military, but were accepted anyway. So if Bergdahl did something wrong, there are others who need to accept a share of the blame.

See the full review of this episode at Premium Cable Reviews.

 

Guests: June 6, 2014

John Waters: film director, screenwriter, actor, stand-up comedian, journalist, visual artist, art collector, and author of a (sort of) memoir, Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America 

Ralph Reed: conservative political activist, first executive director of Christian Coalition, now head of Faith and Freedom Coalition, author of several political books. His latest book is Awakening: How America Can Turn from Economic and Moral Destruction Back to Greatness. He has also written a novel, Ballots and Blood: A Novel  

Jim Geraghty: conservative blogger and regular contributor to the National Review, author of the (roman a clef) novel, The Weed Agency: A Comic Tale of Federal Bureaucracy Without Limits 

Nicolle Wallace: political commentator, former communications chief for George W. Bush, former senior advisor for the McCain-Palin campaign and author of several (White House themed) novels, most recently, It’s Classified: A Novel 

Anthony Weiner: former congressman (D, NY), forced to resign from Congress over a sexting scandal, former New York City mayoral candidate, forced to resign from the race over a sexting scandal  (Some people never learn.) He’s now a columnist for Business Insider.

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Bill Maher #319 Porn Again

By Catherine Giordano

The New Rules segment on "Real Time with Bill Maher" was "Porn Again" about the "new erotica" people can't get enough of.  I recapped the bit in my review of Maher's show.

The New Rules segment on "Real Time with Bill Maher" was "Porn Again" about the "new erotica" people can't get enough of.  I recapped the bit in my review of Maher's show, episode #319, which aired on 5/23/14.

Evidently there is a new trilogy about kinky sex, to rival Fifty Shades of Gray by E. L. James. This one is He Watches Me: The Seen Trilogy by Cynthia Sax. 

 The titles of the three books are:

·         He Watches Me

·         He Touches Me

·         He Claims Me

 

Maher suggest three new titles:

·         He Borrows Money From Me

·         He Impregnates Me

·         He Leaves Me

 Read the full review of “Real Time with Bill Maher” #319.

I did a little research and as a little gift for my loyal readers, I’m linking to this post: “12 Books to Read After 50 Shades of Grey.”

 

Dear Loyal Reader:

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Guests for May 23, 2014

Jose Antonio Vargas: journalist, filmmaker, and the founder of “Define American” an organization dedicated to immigration, is most famous for his New York Times article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant.” His new documentary, Documented is in theaters now.

Sarah Silverman: comedian, writer, and actress, author of The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, star of the former (very funny) TV series, The Sarah Silverman Show. She is in a new movie titled A Million Ways to Die in the West, based on a novel by Seth MacFalane.

David Frum: senior editor at The Atlantic, political commentator, former George W. Bush speechwriter, and author of several books, the most recent being a novel, Patriots

Michael Smerconish: political talk show host on Sirius radio and CNN, and the author of several non-fiction books. His most recent book is a novel about a talk show host, Talk: A Novel 

Anna Devere Smith: actress, playwright, and professor, currently featured in Showtime’s Nurse Jackie.